Gaige's Ten Step Guide to Surviving Pandora
by BitterRenegade
Summary: During her adventures on Pandora, Gaige records ten simple steps to survive on the barren planet.
1. Prologue

_Author's Note: Thought I'd attempt writing a longer fic on here, see what happens. _

_Pairing: Eventual Zaige. Maybe. I'll see where this goes._

_Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I probably ever, own Gearbox, Borderlands, or its characters._

~*~  
Gaige's Ten Step Guide to Surviving Pandora  
Prologue  
~*~

"Damn it Zero give that back!" I shouted "That's personal!"

The assassin waved the little notebook in front of my face, a mocking red **":)****"** on his mask as he did so "Do not make it so easy for me to take things from you, then."

Maya watched the two of us with amusement "You sure you want to go there Zero? She has an arm that can break concrete."

**":("**

"Give. It. Back." I repeated, irked. I could feel him smiling, regardless of the emoticons on his mask, and that was the worst.

"Of course." Zero replied, and I sighed in relief.

"Thank you-"

"After I read it."


	2. Step 1

_Disclaimer: I wonder what Borderlands would be like if I owned Gearbox…_

_Author's Note: Ok guys! First chapter of Gaige's epic adventures. I thought it would be smart for me to explain…_

_The story is written as Gaige's experiences during the time she was writing the guide that Zero stole in the prologue. The prologue is actually the future, when it's done. Zero will be haiku-ing at the start of every chapter. His haikus are as he's reading._

~*~  
Gaige's Ten Step Guide to Surviving Pandora  
Step One: Don't Die

_"This one's obvious.  
__You'd be dumb for failing this.  
__Death is unhealthy."  
_~*~_  
_

I sat on the train to Pandora, alone.

Everything seemed pretty normal for about the first hour of the trip.

Other vault hunters sat or stood around the inside of the car. Some hunters traveled in groups and others alone like me, only chatting with people on the train. A sign hung above us with Handsome Jack's face on it and the words "Welcome Vault Hunters" splattered across. A few hunters kept looking at me, wondering why someone so young was becoming a vault hunter.

Shit hit the fan when the sign fell to reveal a new hunter...hunting _us_. Robots fill the car and started shooting us down. I quickly dove behind some cover while a blonde hunter pulled out a turret to cover how few of us were left. He ducked next to me, handing me a spare pistol. "Name's Axton," he quickly introduced himself. "Stay close, and try you hardest not to get shot."

I took the pistol and nodded my head awkwardly. We'd run into about three other vault hunters who hadn't gotten pwned by Jack's bots and formed a group. One of them was this pretty blue-haired lady, another was this tall, ninja-looking, guy, and last was a short man with a badass blue beard.

With Axton leading us, we kicked down a door that lead to a dynamite-filled room and a creepy looking Handsome Jack android that turned towards us.

"It's cute that you all think you're the heroes of this little adventure, but you're not," a recording played from the robot. I take a few steps backs. "Welcome to Pandora, kiddos."

"Move!" Axton shouted. The five of us ran as far back as we could before the car exploded, sending us into the sky. I felt pieces of shrapnel bite into my skin before I hit the cold, snowy ground. The cold feeling would keep me awake normally but for some reason, I couldn't keep my eyes open. My vision started fading, and all I could think about was how much I missed my dad. Then, I thought I died.

"_Hey, hey kid. Get up."_

I bolted upright, gasping in pain before looking around in a panic. "Huh? What?"

Axton stood above me, concern written all over his face. "Whoa there Kid, I'm not here to hurt you," he told me seriously "What's your name?"

"G-Gaige," I stuttered out.

"Where are you hurt?" he asked me as he kneeled down, placing a wary hand on my shoulder.

I took a few deep breathes and looked down at my left leg that now had large pieces of shrapnel lodged into it. Blood ran down my leg and stained the snow underneath. "I-I think that's obvious."

The blonde grinned at me and nodded. "Good point. Okay, let's see...I'm going to have to pull all that crap out...but we should wait until we're out of the snow. Come 'ere, I'll carry you."

He lifted me into his arms and carried me towards the same group from the train, with the addition of a cute little yellow bot. Everyone had cuts and bruises, except for the armor-wearing ninja.

Lucky bastard.

"Hey Claptrap, I know you're going to want to talk this girl's ear off but can it wait until we're safe?" Axton talked to the bot while the other vault hunters approached us.

"Sure thing, friend!" The little bot replied, turning around and rolling away. "Follow me!"

Axton met my eyes "So we'll walk and talk to you. It'll keep your mind off the, uh...leg." He nodded towards my leg and I ignored it. "Reintroducing myself, my name's Axton. Ten years of Dahl military experience at your service."

The pretty blue-haired girl nodded at me next. "Maya. I'm a Siren. It's nice to meet you."

My eyes widened. "A Siren? An actual Siren?"

Maya smirked. "I'll prove it later. Looks like you go the worst injury out of all of us, huh?"

"That she did," Axton laughed. "I'm actually surprised that, uh...never mind."

I looked away and took a guess on what he wanted to say. '_I'm actually surprised that she survived this long._' I decided to introduce myself. "I'm Gaige, by the way. And thanks for not just leaving me to die out there to die," I said awkwardly.

The bearded-man laughed loudly. "If anyone's going to almost die, it's _me_!"

Axtorn snorted at the shorter man and turned to me. "No problem, Kid. That's Salvador by the way." I felt Axton adjust me and gave me a better view of everyone. "So now you know me, Maya, Salvador. That leaves Zero, the ninja over there."

So far, so good.

Finally, we'd reach Claptrap's hide out. It looked like a nice place to stay, if I could ignore all the dead bodies.

Axton seated me in one of the empty chairs before getting to work. "We need a piece of wood, insta-healths if possible, and bandages," the commando stated. Maya brought a piece of wood, Salvador ran over from a nearby locker with a few insta-healths in his hands. Axton holds the wood up to my mouth. "Bite down on this," he said with a serious tone. "Hold her down guys."

Everyone listened and held me down while I bit on the wood. The next minutes were a blur of pain but by the end, my leg is all healed. Hesitantly, I stood on my leg and braced for pain. None came. I smiled and thanked the insta-healths for doing their job well. The robot rolls in with some ECHO communicators and hands them out to us, after probably looting them from the dead bodies around. He introduced himself to me as Claptrap.

Not even a minute later, a bullymong scaled into the hideout and stole his eye. We'd gone on an epic little quest to retrieve it for him and then he took us to the town of Liar's Berg. We met a man named Sir Hammerlock, a total badass by the way. He'd been kind enough to let us stay in his town for the night and even gave me a small notepad to write in after I asked.

'_Gaige's Guide to Surviving Pandora' _I wrote across the front of it. Flipping it to the next page, I jotted down a few notes.

'_Step one: Don't Die.  
-Insta-Healths are amazing  
-Axton knows his shit  
-Shrapnel? Bad.'_

I closed the notepad and tucked it into my bag. Then I moved to my work, meaning I digistructed Deathtrap and pulled out my screwdriver to being fixing him up.

Before I ever used him again, I had to be _sure_ that he would only attack the bad guys.


	3. Step 2

~*~  
Gaige's Ten Step Guide to Surviving Pandora  
Step Two: Listening to Claptrap is Stupid

"_I remember this,  
None of us tried to stop you.  
I thought it funny."  
_~*~

Following after Axton with a sniper rifle in my arms, the older man looked over his shoulder to smile at me "You ok Kid?"

"Fine!" I replied, trying to get a better hold on the rifle "I just, uh, never really used a gun before. Well, a real gun. I've fired BB guns at home."

"Well Kid, it's a lot like firing a BB gun except this one'll kick like a bitch." He told me with another grin "So you and Zero'll hang back and shoot from here," The commando began telling us our orders, "Maya, Salvador, and I will head that way and take down whatever you two don't hit."

" " Zero spoke up in an almost annoyed tone "No." He pointed to himself "Alone."

Axton stood up straighter, pointing at me "Yes. Team."

The two men seemed to then go into some sort of silent power struggle before Zero ultimately backed down, looking away from me. I directed my gaze to the floor, knowing that the only reason I was going to snipe with Zero was because Axton and the others didn't want me getting in the way.

Once they were gone the assassin ignored me, setting up his rifle and firing. I quickly attempted to imitate him, yelping when the recoil of the gun caught me by surprise. My yelp seemed to surprise the sniper, who ended up hitting a bandit in the chest instead of its head. Glancing over at me, Zero sighed in annoyance, as if my inexperience with guns is what made him mess up (Although I thought hitting the target still was enough, but apparently if it wasn't a headshot it wasn't worth the bullet to Zero).

"Holding it wrong." Zero grumbled, kicking my feet further apart and moving my fingers with his own. "Lean into the gun." As soon as he had adjusted my form accordingly, he returned to his previous position "Aim first, then fire."

Firing another shot and actually hitting a bandit, I released a breath that I hadn't known I was holding. I grinned to myself, proud that I hadn't missed. My pride was replaced with awe as I saw the bandit's head explode a moment later. But then that awe was replaced with anger when Zero spoke up.

"Aim better next time.  
The enemy didn't fall.  
You are a bad shot."

"Well excuse me!" I snapped "Maybe I just have a shit teacher!"

Zero stood up straight, shaking his head "Wrong. Bad student. The bandits are dead." Slinging his rifle over his shoulder, Zero began walking away from me. Running after him, I struggled to match his quick pace as I awkwardly held my rifle in my arms.

Thinking back, I realized that I was acting like a bit of a brat. He did, after all, help me shoot properly. "Thanks."

I held back a sigh of annoyance when he chose not to respond.

Maya greeted us with a smile when we approached "Hey. Good job with the sniping Kid."

"I have a name…" I grumbled, crossing my arms "Why's everyone calling me 'Kid' all the time?"

"Sorry Gaige," Maya replied, handing me a shield "Picked that up for you during the battle. Hope you like it." Smiling at me, I faltered in my pouting, smiling back at the beautiful siren.

"Thanks!"

The older woman then turned to Zero with her arms crossed "Now, you and me better talk."

"**?"**

Walking away from the two of them, I approached Axton and Salvador who waved me over.

"Nina Chiquita!" The blue haired waved me over "Took you and the robot long enough."

I looked around in a slight panic. Robot? Deathtrap? I hadn't summoned him in front of any of these guys yet so-

"He means Zero." Axton explained "Hope it wasn't too bad working with him. He did teach you how to use the rifle properly, right?"

I nodded "Yes-"

Claptraps voice rang over our ECHO's and I listened attentively while the others groaned in annoyance. He told us to run past the electric fence as fast as we could, and it wouldn't hurt us if we ran fast enough.

"Ok! I'll do it." I stated, determined. I didn't want the others to think I was useless, and none of them seemed too eager to run through.

"Go ahead Chiquita." Salvador chuckled, taking a few steps back.

"Wait-!"

Crying out in pain, I felt one of the other vault hunters pull me back just as I began to get electrocuted. Lying flat on my back, Zero shook his head down at me while the other three vault hunters argued over how to get past the fence before Axton finally shot something on the other side of the fence.

"You're an idiot.  
Do not put yourself though things,  
That could cause you harm." The ninja scolded, and I simply looked away from him ashamed. Standing up shakily, I brushed dirt off my skirt before stepping away from the group of them.

Had I been in a corner, it would be my shame corner. Because that was all I felt other than pain and embarrassment.

I felt a soft hand rest itself on my shoulder, and I looked up to see Axton's worried face "You ok kid? Look, we should have told you before… Don't listen to Claptrap." He smiled apologetically "Come on, let's head back to Hammerlock."

I nodded absently, following the four older vault hunters back to Liar's Berg, jotting down another note in my little booklet.

_Step 2: Listening to Claptrap is stupid.  
-Don't do it, it will only cause you pain._

Thinking for a moment, I scowled to myself and wrote down a few extra notes.

_-Side note: Zero's a bit of a jerk, even if he's right. Maya's ok, Salvadors MEH, and Axton's the nicest guy I've met so far other than Sir Hammerlock. Who is a boss, JS._


	4. Step 3

_Author's Note: I AM SO FREAKING SORRY THAT I HAVN'T POSTED ANYTHING IN SO LONG I LOVE YOU ALL!  
I WILL BE WORKING ON UPDATING MOST IF NOT ALL OF MY STORIES TODAY BECAUSE I FEEL SO GUILTY FOR NOT POSTING ANYTHING IN AWHILE._

~*~  
Gaige's Guide to Surviving Pandora  
Step 3: Don't Play with Fire

**_"…"_**  
_"Zero, don't look at me like that."_  
~*~

I hated Captain Flynt. So much.

Seriously, like, wow. Too much fire. Luckily, Axton had pretty much ordered me to stay back and snipe the dude with Zero.

"Your aim is shitty.  
It has not improved at all  
Since you have started."

Wait, did I say luckily? Scratch that. I meant to say that I wished Axton had let me fight with him and the _nicer _vault hunters.

Sending Zero a glare that he simply ignored, I grumbled about what a jerk he was as I tried harder to 'aim properly' although really, the only type of aiming Zero considered 'proper' were ones that got headshots.

Pulling the trigger once more, I nearly threw my rifle down in frustration when the assassin sighed in exasperation when I missed.

"Could you just stop that?" I snapped "I suck at aiming, I know. Deal with it."

"I wish that Axton  
Would babysit you instead.  
You are such a child."

I resisted the urge to punch Zero with all my heart, as the others probably wouldn't appreciate me punching a dent into the _**ass**_assin.

Huffing, I began purposely missing Captain Flynt. Zero, knowing that my increasingly poor aim was by choice, was likely glaring at me under his mask as a **"WTF BRO"** appeared on it.

Imagine my surprise when one of the bullets ricocheted into Flint's head.

…Which didn't actually do much, because this dude could survive headshots like no tomorrow. It was INSANE.

Regardless, the bandit captain eventually fell. Once that happened, Zero and I dashed over to the others that were just a little bit singed. Axton patted me on the back with a toothy grin "Good job. You getting better with that rifle?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but was quickly interrupted by Zero "No."

Smile faltering, Axton sighed "Just because she's not as good as you with a sniper rifle doesn't mean-"

"It does."

Maya scoffed, "I guess teaching a teenager how to shoot properly is just too much of a challenge for you, huh?"

**"…"**

At the siren's words, Axton smirked. I kind of just stood there looking confused. "Working _with _Gaige _is_ a challenge, isn't it?" the commando stated in a somewhat mocking way, causing Zero to cross his arms.

**";("**

"So are you going to actually help her learn now or what?"

Bitterly, Zero stormed away while Salvador chuckled loudly.

"We'll take that as a yes then, Amigo!" the short, blue haired man called after him, to which the assassin turned and flipped him off.

Well, I'm guessing he was flipping him off. I mean, he had four fingers…

WHAT?!

My jaw dropped when I noticed this one fact.

While I was busy absorbing the fact that Zero had four fingers, Salvador picked a pistol up off the ground.

"Hmmm, hey! Nina Chiquita!" the gunzerker called, my attention snapping to him "You need a sidearm, test this one out."

"O-oh! Ok!" I approached the Pandoran man with a nervous smile as I thanked him for the gun.

"Not a problem Chiquita, try firing it."

Aiming away from the vault hunters, I let out a squeak or surprise when the bullet that left it was on fire. Turning the gun around the peer into in surprise, I nearly yelped in surprise when Zero quickly grabbed it from me, twisting it out of my grasp with enough force my make me uncomfortable, but not in pain.

"Don't _ever _point a gun at yourself." He told me, his voice dripping with rage and… maybe it was worry? "Ok, Girl?"

"I-I'm sorry!" I apologized loudly, shrinking back "I didn't know-"

"It's common sense!" Zero growled "Do you have none?"

Refusing to meet his gaze, I kept my eyes on the floor, nervous. I had never seen Zero this angry before, not even when I was purposely missing my shots.

"Hey, ease up Zero." Salvador spoke up awkwardly "It won't happen again, right Chiquita?"

"Y-yeah."

Reluctantly, Zero handed the pistol back to me. Placing it in my holster, I followed the group as they headed to Claptraps boat, all of us ignoring the little robot's words. Once we had set sail, Maya sat with me.

"Still a bit shaken?" Maya asked me with a soft smile on her face "Don't worry. Zero's not mad at you."

"Oh really? I never would have guessed."

The siren snorted "You certainly don't lack sass."

I grinned apologetically "I'm sorry."

"Be careful with your guns though." Maya told me seriously "We don't want you to get killed doing something stupid like that. That pistol is literally playing with fire."

I nodded "I know. I shouldn't have been so careless."

"You're still a kid. It's completely understandable." Maya smiled "Zero's just not used to dealing with challenges that he can't just… er… kill."

I paled.

"Don't worry. He knows that you're one of us."

"I don't feel comforted."

Maya laughed awkwardly "Well, I'm going to go see if Axton needs any help. I'll talk to you later, ok Gaige?"

Nodding absently, I dug my notepad out and began writing a few new notes.

'_Step 3: Don't play with fire._

_I mean actual fire. Because it burns. Also, don't point guns at yourself.  
And try to stop pissing Zero off, even if he is a jerk most of the time._

Sighing to myself, I hugged my knees.

Doing the last thing seemed impossible for me.


	5. Step 4

~*~  
Gaige's Guide to Surviving Pandora  
Step 4: Don't Play Slots

_"Slots are so much fun  
The amount of luck I have  
With them is godly."  
"I know. Shut up."_  
~*~

We'd finally made it to Sanctuary!

Of course, the vids I saw about it made the place seem like more of a sanctuary, but… well, considering most of the places I'd seen on Pandora, I can understand why the city was named as it was.

Axton stood behind me with a grin "You want to explore?"

I nodded enthusiastically "I really do, is that ok?"

The commando nodded, pulling some money out from his pocket "Here's some cash. Feel free to waste it." He rubbed the back of his head "You have my ECHO contact right? Just call me if something's up."

"Sure! Um, where are you going?"

"The rest of us are going to meet with the Crimson Raiders. Stay out of trouble, ok?"

"Yeah, ok Axton." I grinned at the older man before walking down the streets of the city. Eventually I reached a place called Moxxxi's. Somewhat nervously, I stepped into the building. Almost instantly I was greeted by a really, really pretty woman who stood behind the bar.

"Hey Hun, you're not from around here, are you?" she smiled at me "Well come on over here and let me take a… closer look at you."

A little bit shy, I approached the woman "Hello, I'm Gaige."

"A pleasure to meet you, I'm Moxxi."

"So… This is your bar?"

She winked at me "You betcha. Want anything Sweetheart?"

"Uh…"

"Food, drink…"

"Oh! Uh," my stomach rumbled at the mention of food, and I instantly realized that I hadn't eaten in a while "Food would be nice."

Moxxi laughed, and I blushed a bit when I realized that her laugh was pretty too "Here's a menu. Take a look."

Looking over the menu, I felt a little bit out of place. I didn't know what half of the foods were, what was good…

Noticing my uneasiness, Moxxi took the menu away from me gently "How's about some pizza, Hun? That'll probably be something you're more used to than most of this."

Relieved, I smiled and nodded "Thanks Moxxi."

"Anything you want to drink?" she winked at me "I sell to minors."

Staring at her blankly, she coughed.

"Alcohol."

"O-oh!" I blushed in embarrassment and looked away "Oh, um, I don't know…" I'd never actually tried alcohol before. Realizing this, Moxxi laughed again.

"Ok Hun, I'll get you something sweet to start you off. You have any friends in Sanctuary that I should know about in case you get too drunk?"

"Um, I'm one of the vault hunters that just got here so… them?"

Moxxi nodded "Feel free to play slots or something while you wait."

She pointed out the machines next to the bar, and I hesitantly approached them. Checking the amount of money Axton gave me, I realized he had given me quite a lot of money. A whole two-hundred dollars! Tucking half of it away for food and drink… that could easily turn into drinks… I inserted some money into the slot machine and pulled the lever.

No matches.

Inserting more money inside the machine, I pulled the lever once more.

No matches.

Glaring at the infernal contraption, I inserted more money into it. Over and over again, until I'd almost blown a hundred bucks. Putting the last bit of money that I wanted to spare into the machine, three bandit heads appeared, causing me to grin and clap. Suddenly, I was tackled and pulled behind the bar. Opening my mouth to yell at whoever just ruined my moment, I was silenced by the sound of a grenade going off.

"Girl." Zero greeted, standing up and towering over me as I sat on the floor dumbly "You're welcome."

"Oh, right!" I grinned awkwardly "Thanks Zero." Standing up, Moxxi rushed over to me with a guilty expression on her face.

"So sorry Doll, I should've warned you about the bandit heads."

"You should have." Zero agreed, catching the attention of the beautiful barkeep. She smirked at Zero flirtatiously, glancing at me.

"Friend of yours?"

I glanced at Zero, unsure, before shrugging "More like team mates, or co-workers, or something… whatever Vault Hunters are to each other."

"I'm her babysitter." Zero told Moxxi dryly, to which the woman laughed.

"Isn't she a little bit old for a babysitter?"

"Not mentally."

I scowled "I'm right here, you jerk." I grumbled to Zero, who smiled. I guess. Well, his mask smiled.

"I know."

Moxxi smiled at the two of us, in a way that made me think that she was seeing something here that I wasn't "Well it's a pleasure to meet you, Darling. I'm just about finished making Gaige here some food, would you like some too?"

"No."

"Suit yourself." Moxxi replied easily, practically undressing him with her eyes as she turned around to grab my food "Feel free to grab one of the booths, cuties."

"…Did she just…?"

"Yes."

I grinned "She called me cute."

"She hasn't known you long enough."

I scowled "Of course you're only talkative when it comes to putting me down."

"**:)"**

Taking a seat across from the assassin, I thanked Moxxi when she brought me my food and a beer. I happily munched on the pizza, relishing in the familiar taste of cheese and pepperoni. When I reached for the beer, Zero grabbed my wrist.

"No."

Glaring at the assassin, I tugged my wrist away from him "Really, Zero?"

"Axton made me responsible for you."

"Axton doesn't have the right to do that. So you don't have the right to stop me from drinking."

"…"

Grinning, I pulled my wrist away from him and took a sip of the drink.

It tasted like liquid yeast.

Cringing, I ignored the smile that appeared on Zero's mask as I tried my hardest not to gag. How did people drink this shit?! Grossness!

"After this, target practice." Zero told me, resting his hands on the table, waiting for me to finish eating "Hurry up, Girl."

I scowled at him "I have a name, you know. Do you just choose not to use it?"

The assassin shrugged.

"Can you just go walking over there and play slots or something?"

Nodding, Zero stood up and walked towards the machines. I sighed happily, biting into my pizza with a smile.

Until I heard a blast from behind me. Turning around, my jaw dropped in shock.

Zero got a jackpot.

Taking what I could only define as the most beautiful sniper rifle I had ever seen in my life out of the machine, Zero headed back to me.

"I hate you, so much." I told him seriously, pulling my notepad out and jotting down a note.

_Step 4: Don't play slots_

_You will lose every time, waste money, and feel nothing but jealousy and rage when Zero gets a jackpot on his first try._

_Damn it._


End file.
